What Kind of Parent Are You?
Just like most things these days, parenting styles have become more and more specific—and thus, have resulted in additional labels to categorize parenting methods in this generation. Back in September, USA Today released a handy “primer on parent labels” to inform parents on the current “trends.” In the classroom, I had a front row seat to the different personalities of parents and had the opportunity to aggregate this anecdotal research and correlate the data of classroom success. The results may shock you.
We break down the newest terms (and unpack the latest trend) below:
Helicopter Parent
No doubt we’re all familiar with the parenting style affectionately deemed “helicopter” parents due to their propensity to hover in their child’s lives. In the upper elementary classroom, these parents wanted homework, testing dates, and lesson plans weeks ahead of time. Further, these over-involved parents sought information from teachers regarding how a child’s lunch experience or recess time went and/or breakdown of homework time well into the evening. Moving into middle and high school, parents would email teachers to schedule internal tutorials or mention that the family was vacationing and thus, would request makeup work. In the athletic space, I would receive emails asking for makeup workouts and training sessions if their VARSITY high school athlete was unable to make practice that afternoon. Not surprisingly, these students struggled time and time again with adequately assessing risk—from trying out a new sport or extracurricular or in the classroom to effectively foster self-awareness in study skills, time management strategies, and testing tips.
Dolphin Parent
Parents that fall within this category aim to seek “collaboration, flexibility, and balance” (USA Today). With the overarching goal to raise “happy, healthy, and motivated kids,” dolphin parents strive for a healthy balance in all activities. In the classroom, these parents regularly scheduled playdates with classmates (and other kids in classes and grades across the hall). Middle and high school parents were most concerned with ascertaining their growing tweens and teens weren’t overwhelmed by the pressures of academics, athletics, and extracurricular activities. They intentionally scheduled margin in their child’s schedule (think 2 days of after-school commitments compared to 4 or 5) for “kids to just be kids.”
Tiger Parent
Oh, boy—we’ve heard this term, too. And perhaps, not in the most positive light. Tiger parents emphasize excellence (for the record—an A is not the same as an A+) in academics. Parents have intentionally selected extracurriculars with the purpose of developing a strong resume. These tough-love parents tend to be authoritarian in their discipline style sand have high expectations. In the classroom, it was easy to spot “tiger cubs,” as I affectionately dubbed these students. Typically tiger moms (more than often) would emerge from grasslands when the first graded assignment was returned. Anything under a 93 (and thus an A) would be grounds for a parent-teacher conference—or at the very least, an email. After school, tiger cubs would be shuffled to various pre-determined activities (favorites were chess, one or two specific sports, some sort of standardized tutoring prep or boot camp, and of course, outside tutoring). In middle and high school, tiger cubs struggled to maintain resilience and bounce back from challenges (specifically, academic—that first B in AP Literature class would rock their world).
Elephant Parent
May be a relatively new term in the animal parenting sphere, but the easiest way to remember this style is that elephant parents are the complete opposite of tiger parents. These parents value emotional security, closeness, and connection with their children. Rather than valuing academy or athletic excellence, these parents are more focused on encouraging, urging their child to try new things, and above all, savoring the parent/child relationship. The positive elements of this parenting style are easy to spot in a school setting—”Baby Ellies” would try out for cross country, drama, and robotics (all in the same year). From a personality standpoint, Baby Ellies were adaptable, friends with nerds, jocks, and the popular crowd, and had a healthy rapport with teachers. Yet, it was difficult to encourage parents to allow students to advocate for themselves—whether in a leveled math class or in a chosen extracurricular outlet.
Lawnmower/Snowplow Parents
The most “in vogue” parenting style over the past few years has been the “lawnmower” parent. We see this parenting style rear its head with first or only children at pivotal transition points in life—starting kindergarten, transitioning to high school, and applying to college. Lawnmower parents aim to “mow down” any and all obstacles that may creep into their child’s path. Instead of prepping their kids to have the grit and resilience to deal with and overcome life’s (inevitable) challenges, lawnmower parents will just mow them right down. Trying out for the soccer team for the first time? Lawnmower parents tend to call the coach to get the inside scoop on practice/workout requirements and “over-prep” their next Mia Hamm when tryout day comes. Homework due that day? I had 4th-grade and 8th-grade parents alike walk their child into school in the morning and sheepishly say, “Sorry, we couldn’t do our homework last night. Play practice ran late.” (OUR homework?!) I’ve received emails from lawnmower parents to remind their child to drink water after coming in from outdoor recess, prompt their diagnosed gluten-free middle-school eater not to opt for the Mac and cheese on the lunch line (seriously?), and request that I help their child clean out their backpack at the end of my class (“Mom said that’s your job,” a 6th-grader informed me, not impolitely). A rising high school senior’s mom called me in urgency to help build their 18-year-old’s college class schedule next year—3,000 miles away. “Nothing before 11am,” she told me, clucking. “We don’t want to add unneeded stress to his morning; he needs his sleep.”
By mowing down obstacles for their kids, guess what happens what these students encounter actual struggle? Rather than rise to the occasion or whip out a plan to attack the problem head-on, these students lack the resilience and determination to bounce back and recover. I’ve had
Parents: Do your child (and his future teachers, professors, college roommates, significant others, spouse, and employers) a HUGE favor and stop. Stop mowing down challenges. Stop plowing down obstacles. You’re only doing a disservice to your student who, one day, contribute to society (we hope) just like the rest of us.